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By Patricia Volk IN LIKE A MOUSE, OUT LIKE ETHEL MERMAN
Linda Amiel Burns is director of a course called The Singing Experience. During four rehearsal sessions at a rehearsal space, The Actors’Theater Workshop on West 28th Street, you will learn everything from technique to how to find your proper key. Then Linda will book you into Steve McGraw’s or Don’t Tell Mama and you will have your Big Apple debut. You, yes you, will "graduate" on the stage of a New York club. It’s the big night. Steve McGraw’s is packed. The lights dim. Linda grabs the mike. She introduces the graduating class and they sing a sophisticated version of "Sing, Sing A Song" from "Sesame Street." Then Constance Meccarello camps, "Let’s Do It." The crowd goes wild. A tall, good-looking man to my left actually whoops. Ivan Farkas from Hungary is next. He sings "Say Cheese." It’s a Rex Harrison-type song. You can talk it, and Ivan does. He has the air about him of a beloved institution who’s earned a place in America’s heart. The man next to me goes nuts. A registered nurse from Northport who just got divorced does a lyrical "Can’t Help Falling in Love." She’s taking The Singing Experience because she needs more confidence. Which is absolutely not Kenneth Murray’s problem. Kenneth, a pattern-maker and body builder, works the crowd in his hand-made sequined bolero jacket with gold leaf appliqués. He has graduated from The Singing Experience 40 times, a Singing Experience record, and his rendition of "To Love Somebody" brings down the house. The man next to me is now completely berserk.
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You
think you can do it. In your heart of hearts, deep down inside,
you think you can sing. Specifically, you think you can sing cabaret.
You’ve always wanted to. You’ve always wanted to perch
on a stool, smile through the pain, and torch out "Body and Soul."
You are Ol’ Blue Eyes as you croon "In The Wee Small Hours"
with the car windows down. If the world could hear you doing Lena
doing "You Go To My Head" in the shower, they’d beat a path
to your bathroom door. You know you’ve got it in you. Well,
Linda Amiel Burns can get it out of you.
